Sprinkling/spring clean!

Hello. Nick has suggested that we spring clean his room when he's finished placement. I'm so excited. Imagine all the floor space, all the disinfectant. I suggest we get him some giant baskets or tubs and label them 'pants', 'undies', 'tops', 'vomit', 'unmentionables' and 'spafffff rags'. Things are looking up at bawawecra, and it's about time, i'm running out of air freshna'. God I'm a bitch. And you're a sandal.

SOME PEOPLE REALLY NEED IT!

hey dudes

i need the money for the gas bill....ahahahahhahaaaaaa

no seriously folks. im broke and i need it.

nick and steph you owe me $39
jummy its $26 for you

couch up laughin boys.

that is all.

Shit pixie performs emergency Csection on bouncing brown baby boy

So i got up yesturday and there was this big sticky shit in the toilet. At first I thought it was Nick, getting some sort of revenge (even though it wasn't me who left the pebbles the other day). But y'know what? That thing was weird, and Nick claims it wasn't him. I'm starting to see some sense in this pixie's work. The poo itself had kind of gotten stuck on the side of the bowl, like a slinky, it was half folded back into the water. When I flushed, the slicky bowl sucking bits remained. I think we need a new scrubbing brush. And maybe some more vegetables in our diets.

Also, we've been doing some marathon Sex and the City watching, and there have been tears all around. Wimps!

Maybe Wa should wash his sheets.

This morning on my way to work I walked passed Nick's room and noticed the light was on. This is not an unusual event.

As I reached into the room to turn it off I saw on the centre of his bed a toilet roll. One that had been used.

I can only draw from this evidence that Nick has taken to shitting in his room. I didnt even have to do it as a practical joke, he does it himself. Maybe he thinks his room is so messy that it doesnt matter if he has a little late night dump in there.

Oh well at least he wipes his arse after he does it.

pixie break-in?

i just got home from "placement" and the door was wide open, nobody home, and a fresh pebbly poo floating in the toilet. cree-py!

maybe YOU should wash my bedsheets...

bawawecra has turned into a stinky prison, walled on each side by apathy, rain, chickens and a chest infection. i got up at 5.30 to go to "placement" this morning, and then thought "why should i?". so here i am. the beautiful canary in his gilded cage. the stains on my quilt are laughing at me, singing dirty songs. i MADE you stains.
this house needs to be purified...

James and the giant peachface

Here's your stinkin picture

Pics?

Why aint there any pics on our blog for ages!?

What IS STEPH DOING!!!

To whom it may concern

No use concealing it now, I have discovered your secret stash - of instant coffee all over the kitchen floor! And don't think I'm not aware of your other little caffeine hideaway - under the microwave! What a pleasant smelling sticky brown suprise! My hospital grade disinfectant got the workout of its life, and my fingertips are like sundried tomatoes. You are now top of my three least favourite people in bawawecra, and the bottom of my favourite, with your brown goo.

And don't think mama don't see you too, with your hateful words of couch hating. What are you complaining about?! The stinky 'pink' one is outside, where you spend most of your time anyway. Don't shit a gifthorse in the mouth.

Also, James, your hair was really tall today. Work on it.

ps. I was knitting a barf bag, but we can share.

Oh, do i feel like the mother of the world.

Steph is the mother of the House. There is no doubt about it. Without her we would be a MESS!

She has more cleaning products than I have ever seen in my life. I think she actually has more under her bed but i darent not look. She is constantly spraying our odors away and tidying up after all of us.

She does yell at us too, but we dont really care cause she is our mother and she has to love us no matter what we do. I know even when she is screaming 'THERE IS BACON IN THE HOUSE!!!' that she is not truly angry...only temporarily blinded with love.

The other night I walked past her room and heard a faint clicking sound. I assume she is knitting us all jumpers with our names on them. Bless.

In other news I plan to do a shit and hide it somewhere in Nicks room. I predict that it will be roughly 2 months before he finds it. I will have forgotten all about doing it by then so can even take a polygraph test to deny it. And i can laugh it up. The crime is perfect and victumless...except for Nick of course who has to live with a shit in his room for 2 months. Poor guy. Oh well.

Couch from Hell.

bawawecra has has a remodel. We now have works of art hanging on the wall, a new outside table and a couch.

I am hereby announcing that I will never again sit on that couch as it is the most uncomfortable couch ever made. The other members of the house love it, probably because they all have mis-shaped arses.

In other news I hate them.

Nanananananana LEADER

So Matt thinks he's the main character of the house eh? I guess that would make him Buffy:

Matt: Buffy - 'main character', bossy, dumb, addicted to vampire lovin, has sister who was once a key

James: Giles - pompous and bookish, handsome in a nerdy old way, tries to sing, tall, wears glasses when inflecting itelligence

Nick: Willow- gay, tragic pants, upbeat, dated a wolf, likes a computer, loves Tara, addicted to magic, witchy

Steph: Xander - loveable heart of the operation, always getting up to mischief, softening morbidity with much needed comic relief.

Woman

I try my darndest to be the ladylike, nurturing feminine being of Bawawecra - to be the girl of the house, because that is what I am (contrary to popular belief that James is a sissygirl). And yet I dress up, put on a little makeup, curl my hairs, show a little ankle, and all I get from them beastly men is 'cor, I love a tomboy with big tits'. Bawawecra stop bringing me down. It makes me want to faint in a hyerfeminine scene of domestic imprisonment. Get them smelling salts. Someone fan me. NOW JERK.

Living with Ba.

So apparently a lot of people have been asking the other Bawawecra-ians this question:

"What's it like to live with Matt"

They all use and excitable tone wanting to get a look into my life. You see fans, outside of Bawawecra I am a very important/infamous person. I wont go into it but let me put it this way, If all of Bawawecra died in some freak accident no doubt caused by one of Steph's hairbrianed schemes, Only I would appear on the front cover of the Advertiser. The rest would be back on page 56 or something, right after Andrew Jarmen's 'Kojak impression of the day'.

Anyway, what is it like to live with Matt, you ask? Well I cant answer for the others without sounding like too much of a wanker but I can hazard a guess, Here are some very probable testimonials from the other members of the house:

Steph - "Living with Matt is a dream come true. For years I have admired him from afar wanting to know him. His amazing charm and wit dazzled me and I found myself hanging on his every word. AND NOW I LIVE WITH HIM. I wait patiently for him to get home from work everyday to hear of his latest adventures and run-ins with the 'local pigs', as he refers to them so eloquently. I really don't know what I would do in the house without him. I'D GO NUTS!!!"

Nick - "Id always thought of myself as a bit of a funny guy, you know 'the Joker'. But that was until I lived with Matt. My god I never knew such laughter, I find myself waiting for his comical take on everything knowing that a fantastic spin is coming...But the beautiful thing about Matt is that he also has a sensitive side. I can talk to him about anything and I mean ANYTHING. He always knows exactly what I should do. My life is finally on the right track towards success and well-being"

James - "Normally I would resent a man like Matt, I am used to being the pretty boy, but living with Matt I have had to live in his constant shadow of Beauty. He is like a Sun burning through my comparative Ugliness...I said normally I would hate a man like that, but unfortunately I have a huge man-crush on him. I hang out in the dining room while he showers to catch a glimpse of him in his towel. One time I even busted in on him and he had only just enough time to cover himself with a towel. I tell you I almost died of erections that day. Sometimes he calls me 'Champ' and I quiver. Living with Matt is awesome but Im not sure how long my loins can take it for."



Well there you have it. Those chumps really like me. And I in turn like them too...later Champ.

Darling we're the Young Ones

I tried to go to bed early last night cause I was feeling a bit shit. Got a head cold you see.

But alas it is impossible to get to sleep early in our 'beloved' Bawawecra. I dont know what the hell was goin on outside my bedroom but it was clamorous....

Here is what I think happened:

Nick was watching buffy while eating beans...Steph walked into the room and started telling Nick about her day just as Buffy was about to do something really interesting (a rare event) and Nick overreacted.

'SHUTTUP YOU HIDEOUS BITCH!!!' he shouted throwing his beans everywhere,
'NOW LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE!!!'

suddenly James, who was hiding behind the couch at the time, pops his head up and says, 'I hope youre gonna wash that bowl now Nick'

'I WILL NEVER WASH UUUUUUUUP!!!' nick screams as he throws the bowl across the room smashing it to pieces.

Steph unfased by this all is still talking about her day, hears the smashing bowl sound and suddenly realises that she hasnt broken her 10 glasses for the day. She bolts to the kitchen and smashes everything insight...

no wonder i couldnt sleep.

also i have realised that Bawawecra is like the Young Ones

James = Rick
Nick = Vivian
Steph = Neil (is that his name, you know the boring one that no one pays attention to)
Matt = Mike.

later fans!

Sloppy neck.

Nicks (wa)birthday is coming soon, and boy is he gonna be old. As the oldest member of the house you would think he would be the most together of the lot...but apparently age just makes your like more of a shambles as is represented in the skin underneath Nick's chin.

Anyway he has been dropping lots of hints about having a party, but then pretends he dont want one. I think he is hoping we will suprise him.

He also now thinks he is a 'Giant' and will die really young. I suppose to him his body looks really big, but thats just cause the only thing he has to compare it to is his dick. Which is hideously small.

OH MY! I KNOW WHAT TO GET HIM FOR HIS BIRTHDAY NOW!!

Whatever hapened to vitamin C?

alarms are funny!

alright, so who snuck in this morning and set the alarm on my mobile phone? and i know it wasn't steph, 'cause she was flat on her back in her room, stewing in the 2-minute noodle farts she must have been doing all night. so i'm guessing it was some sort of "small dick alliance" prank. "oh, he sleeps in sooo much doesnt he small dick 1" "yes he does small dick 2, let's teach him a lesson". well, guess who's gonna pay for their little giggle-fest with getting their faces punched in. and i was awake anyway you jerks.
and just for the record, i work at NIGHT. and i (theoretically) study during the day. so i'm allowed to sleep in as much as i want, and you can stop damn well resenting it right about... NOW.
EDIT: sorry guys, you don't have small dicks. you have GREAT dicks. i was just angry. and i think maybe i might have set the alarm myself...

toga

Not long ago Matt and I were watching National Lampoon's Animal House starring John Belushi. Matt is steadily amassing a collection of "screwball" 80s comedy DVDs which I presume he uses to inspire his obnoxious behaviour and "humour". Anyway, there's a great scene in that movie where the nerd fraternity have this enormous toga party and become kings of the college - watching it, almost simultaneously Matt and I turned to each other and blurted "Bawawecra should have a toga party!" - much overexcited hugging and dancing around the loungeroom ensued.

So it seems Matt is prettty excited by this idea - yesterday morning I walked into the bathroom to get my toothbrush to find him arranging his mingy blue towel across his torso like a toga, puffing himself up in the mirror and intoning latin proverbs under his breath. Or something. I think this means we should have our toga party sooner rather than later.

PREDICTIONS:

- Nick will find some way to make a toga out of fishnet material....or spaff rags.
- Steph will still be crippled and hobble about in her bedsheet like some hilariously freshfaced crone.
- Matt will get so drunk that he drops his guard leading to the toga-dacking of a lifetime, probably care of Nick and/or Kynan. He will be wearing pink underwear.

Ain't no hollaback Jummy

Here are ways I could have hurt my back: trying to hang picture hooks on the rails with a brookm stick, cleaning the kitchen, repairing the like-new leather foot stool I found during hard-rubbish, looking for the attachment to my bicycle pump, washing the disgusting bathmats.

The result was excruciating pain when i stood up straight, hence, I had to shuffle around with my left foot forward and my body tilted backward. Jerks, don't tease a cripple. Tomorrow you might have to break the bathroom door down and drag me spasming out of the bath.

Speaking of jerks, Matt and James have starting this endearing thing of calling each other, and everything 'Jummy'. They think it's cute. Suddenly it is the lyric to everysong, and the punchline of every 'joke'. Shutit.

STAY OUT OF THE FRIDGE TONY!

Last night ol Clam Clam Clameroo did something to her back. Not sure what she did but it involved a foot stool that she found on the side of the road and thought it would be 'really lovely' in our house. I know I love festy torn up shit in my house...dont you?

So anyway she was hobbling round the house all night trying to get sympathy from us boys. I was having none of it. I honestly couldnt stop giggling cause she looked ridiculous.

My guess is she actually hurt her back trying to carry some other urine stained item into our house that was even heavier. Poor Steph tho, she must be struggling financially to have to resort to this kind of crap. Maybe I should lend her a couple bucks. That would be the nice thing to do.

Nick has been doing essays and dry-humping everything in sight. I wish James would just fuck him already, its been on the cards for at least two weeks. He is a damn prick tease and poor Nick is the most teased prick in the house.

We should make mention of Antony here, he comes over a lot. Stinks up the place, but we somehow love his 'company'...

Also the other night all of Bawawecra went to a party. I didnt. So there. hehe.