Alliances Lost, Enemies Gained.

Last night a Bawawecra encounter happened outside of the house! But not too far away, so I think I can report on it.

James and I were walking down our street towards our house, having just suffered through another hard days work. A little insight into our lives is that James and I both work full time, while Nick and Steph laze around the house eating our rice and covering our house with lint. As we neared our house we saw in the distance Steph walking with who we assumed at the time was Tori Spelling. We both got quite excited about the chance to meet the long faced freak, but as we got closer still we realised it was in fact just long faced Nick.

The meeting was a strange one indeed, they both were walking out for a 'cuppa', James and I were wanting to go home, or at least thats what I thought!!

After sharing a smoke out the front of our house, right near the neighbor's gas leak, I walked into the house expecting James to follow, after all he is in the Man-corp alliance with me. Suddenly I turned around to see him walking away with them!! Had James sided with the PoFo Alliance?!?

I sat alone in the house for about 20 mins waiting for his return with a delightful 'hehe, those pofos they thought I was going to have coffee with them but I really just stole their belts and ran off'. But this was not to happen.

I stormed out of the house off into the night. Who knows if I will return to Bawawecra, there seems very little left for me there now. My alliance has been crushed. I am a lone ranger on the plains of the Cra...

I am Man-Corp, Man-Corp is I.

cash money

hey dudes, 'Net money is due. There's been a price rise - $17.50 each now. Let me know if you got problems with that.

I accept Diners, AMEX, Visa and BPAY.

A late night chat at Bawawecra

matt says:
lets all rub one out at the same time!
Cancer vs AIDS says:
YEAH!
Cancer vs AIDS says:
one
Steph says:
but which one???

Cancer vs AIDS says:
two
Cancer vs AIDS says:
three...
Cancer vs AIDS says:
GO!!!!
matt says:
lets rub james out
slim jim says:
i'm rubbing one out right now!
Cancer vs AIDS says:
ewwwww
matt says:
i knew it!
Cancer vs AIDS says:
so am i!
Cancer vs AIDS says:
dont walk past my door!!!
Steph says:
is this font too small?
slim jim says:
that's what HE said!
slim jim says:
ha ha ha
Steph says:
what about rub past it?
matt says:
'im going to bed' - james = i gotta rub one out so bad that strudel made me mad horny
Steph says:
jesus
slim jim says:
hmm
Cancer vs AIDS says:
oooh, you too james?
matt says:
hahaha
Cancer vs AIDS says:
steph, you have to rub one in
slim jim says:
now i know why you got the strudel
slim jim says:
AMERICAN PIE!!
Cancer vs AIDS says:
haha
Steph says:
that strudel's gotta some-a explaining to do!
slim jim says:
bet yr pissed off we finished it
matt says:
hahaha
slim jim says:
maybe Matt is one of the 20% tim on bb was talking about
matt says:
20%?
Cancer vs AIDS says:
hahahahah
slim jim says:
hmm
Steph says:
where you more turned on by the strudel than by the 'vag bog' as you like to call it?
Steph says:
20% in>?
matt says:
hahaha
matt says:
strudel
Steph says:
i aint rubbing nothing in
slim jim says:
20% can't rub one out with their hand apparently
matt says:
whats the 20%?
matt says:
hahaha
slim jim says:
need to be humping something
matt says:
what do the
matt says:
hahahaha
slim jim says:
like a pillow
matt says:
20%!
matt says:
thats a lot
slim jim says:
or a strudel
slim jim says:
timmy was talking bullshit
slim jim says:
but ut was before anyone was on to him
Cancer vs AIDS says:
totally
Steph says:
yeah, it all makes sense after he told that weird made up ridiculously over the top story that i can't remember now
slim jim says:
he said another 15% had to have their feet in cold water while they wanked
matt says:
i can only rub one out if i have 2 pillows
slim jim says:
everyone believed him, genius
matt says:
hahaha
matt says:
thats gold
Steph says:
IS THAT WHY YOU'VE STOLEN MY PILLOW???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

matt says:
ahhahahaha
matt says:
whoops
matt says:
want that back
matt says:
t stole it
matt says:
for her fat head
Steph says:
what's wrong with your pillows - too 'rubbed out'?
matt says:
hahahaha
matt says:
yeah
Steph says:
pin cushion
matt says:
ewww
slim jim says:
BAM!
Steph says:
zing
slim jim says:
i think nick must be "arriving"
slim jim says:
he's gone quiet
matt says:
hahahaha
Cancer vs AIDS says:
vinegar stroke!
Steph says:
finding more pillows probably
Cancer vs AIDS says:
and...
Cancer vs AIDS says:
ahhhhhhhhhhh
slim jim says:
wtf?
Steph says:
i hear footsteps...
Steph says:
lock yr doord
slim jim says:
should i be embarassed that i don't know what "vinegar stroke" means?
matt says:
what does it mean, and yes!
Steph says:
it's where you use balsamic to finish the job
matt says:
huh
Steph says:
HAHAHAHA just kidding - like tim
Steph says:
it
slim jim says:
tim's best was about the blender, the gaffer tape and the honey
Steph says:
it's a development of the term 'a tossed salad'
Steph says:
....
matt says:
hehehe
slim jim says:
steph is on fire!
Steph says:
AH HAHAHAH i made it up again
matt says:
whats vinegar stroke mean
Steph says:
ask nick
matt says:
nick
Steph says:
i think he's in the bathrooom
matt says:
stop rubbing it out and answer me
Steph says:
having a cold one
Steph says:
shower
matt says:
hahaha

sniffin' glue

I came home to a dark and empty house this evening. "Wonderful" I thought to myself with a relieved sigh - "at least now I may have some peace without those idiotic housemates running around" ....... but it wasn't to be! I hadn't reckoned with the sly tricks of Steph AKA Cra AKA Stepharoo AKA Calamity Jane!

She had left our cordless phone sitting in the middle of the hallway in what I can only imagine was some kind of fiendish booby trap! In the darkness i walked into it at full steam. A clamour like the sound of a bucket of doorknobs being emptied into an empty stairwell echoed through the hallways of BaWaWeCra. I flicked on the lights to survey the damage. Bits of electronics and circuitry were strewn across our priceless Persian rug/runner, i think I even saw sparks flying as the pitiful appliance gave up its last gasp.

Cursing old Calamity and her wiley ways I set to work to try to repair our only link to the outside world. 3 Band-Aids and a pot of Clag later and I think I have done a pretty good job, though if any of our dear readers happen to experience any interference while telecommunicating with the BaWaWeCra household, you'll know who to blame!

In other news Wa and myself have decided to realize our long held dream and learn how to speak Russian together. I think Wa has some kind of perverse fondness for the folly of the Russian race. Me on the other hand, I'm more attracted to the idea of writing bitchy notes about Matt in a foreign script - and infuriating him with unintelligble shouting at every opportunity. STAY TUNED!

James and the giant We

James has discovered that our house has a reverse cycle aircon. Which means we have heat now. Life is about 100 times better in Bawawecra.

Stephs computer is broken. Which means free reign on here for a few days, us boys can write whatever we want about her clamerous ways and not have to worry about her 'wrath'.

And Nick has been galavanting around the house like he owns the place lately. So what if he is our landlord.

HA! what a twist!

Stephie and the Jatz

So it seems that Stepharoo aka ol' Calamity aka Yappin Lou has decided that Bawawecra is now her personal blog about her 'aaaaamazing' life.

James and I have discussed the validity of her recent posts, we have decided to let it slide....

I mean I feel sorry for ol Cal. She probably has the least glamorous life of anyone in the Bawawecra house. She constantly tries to steal attention away from 'the boys' at parties by smashing plates on the ground or thrusting jatz into peoples faces, screaming horribly 'EAT THE DAMN JATZ OR I WONT FEEL REAL INSIIIIIIDE!'.

And of course if that fails she throws up all over the floor and rolls around in it making horrible gurgling sounds with what I hope is her mouth.

We, Wa and I have spent many a night wondering how to solve a problem like Calamity, but alas we have reached no solid conclusions. I guess only time will tell us of her fate.

If nothing else, if Calamity were to shuffle off this mortal coil then the price of chair paintings will no doubt sky rocket, and you can rest assured us boys will be taking advantage of that!

New Tracksuit.

Last night James and I ventured out of the house to a store that won't be named, lets call it 'Bulls eye'. Anyway we returned with a good many things.

James and I both bought clothes airers or as some people call them, clothes horses. We bought one each, we plan to rent them out to the housemates at a ridiculous price. However when I get home tonight I expect mine to be covered in bras and feces. The bras being Nicks...

James also bought a casserole dish. Nick was very excited about this, I can only assume he wants to make some horrible tasteless vegan dish and leave the remains of it in the dish for weeks until it become the new house pet.

I also bought a lovely khaki tracksuit. I look great in it and feel even greater, but my housemates disagree. Nick was so disgusted by it he asked me to remove it. When I refused he tried to remove it for me in front of our guests...sometimes I wonder where that boy was raised.

Where was Steph last night? Anyone see her?

Long time no....WE!

Hey gang,

been a while since I posted on this old thing....not as long as WE tho, anyone seen him round lately...he spends a lot of time in his room 'rubbing one out'. That boy must have one scabby dick...

anyways....

Its bill time at Bawawecra. The 2 first major bills came in and they total all up about $500. Can the house afford such a blow to its finances. Will we have to work together to live...or will the rich (James and Matt) get richer while the poor (Nick and Steph) get more and more ugly?

The soft alliance becomes a financial one. I plan to loan Nick and Steph the money at highly inflated interest rates. Soon their paychecks will go directly into my account. They will be working 60 hour weeks for nothing, there will be a huge concert held in order to try and make me cancel the debt. I will never cancel it though. For I am EVERY MAN.

The edge

Is it just me or has Bawawecra lost its edge.

are we still at the forefront of sharehouses? Is it still the new Melrose Place?

Im not sure. But my room is a mess!

Nick and the 'Petty Cash'

Poor old Nick owes Bawawecra money. He owes me $15.25, James- god knows how much, and he has to pay the fridge rental bill tomorrow.

How will he come up with all the cash in time. I expect a hilarious adventure involving monopoly money, a bank teller and some shouting Nick.

Oh to be a fly on the wall.

Ps. Steph owes me $10.25 aswell. I plan to take it in hair if not in cash. Starting with her pits.

Tandoori Chicken

Yasmin left a whole pile of uncooked chicken in our house. Last night James, Steph and I set about cooking it.

James fried some of it up. Tasted ok but very oily.

Then we baked it in the oven for 4 hours. Tasted great.
'Its not dry at all', remarked James with red sauce all over his fat lips, 'Its still moist'.

We then danced around the kitchen. There was a lot of chicken left over.

I pondered telling Nick that it was 'fake meat' so he would eat the left overs, but decided that that would perhaps be a mean thing to do to a 'Vegan'. Even to a vegan I dont like.

But it was all solved when Steph came home from 'band practice' and 'scoffed' the 'rest'.

Party at the Cra

Party on the 2nd of July 2005

Damage report:

1 mug of Nicks with his name on it. I believe it was of some sentimental value. Broken by a crazed man who was allergic to Vodka.

2 cupbourd doors which were steam cooked by a kettle left on for about 40 minutes. Unfortunatley the whistler was not on so it just boiled away. 'It left the kitchen all moist!' said Steph. Crazed drunk man was not seen around the cupbourds at the time.

1 Bathroom. Soiled with the thoughts of a crazed drunk man with a vodka allergy doing some form of the nasty in it.

4 eyeballs. Kynan and Matt both now have crazed drunken mans penis image permanantly tattooed into them. They will never really sleep again.

party times

woah! looks like we had one hell of a freak show party on saturday night. maybe I should have hung around instead of hiding in my room after i got home. maybe then it would have been me wearing the penis nose. oh mercy.

but seriously, i blame Yasmin's vodka jellies - i slurped down one of those babies before crawling into bed to listen to some records. i woke up a few hours later with a spinning head and seriously no feeling in my FACE. like a stroke victim. weird. I probably would have slept through it but some of the monkeys still hanging around were screaming like stuck pigs over a wasp that had somehow got into the house. apparently nick saved the day by chasing it into the open CD player wielding matt's guitar like an axe. someone snapped the CD player closed and courteously left a scrawled note on a napkin saying simply "Do not open. Wasp." what a riot.


oh and bawawecraeans: fridge money is due on thursday

Last 3 posts

Well the last 3 posts have been made by me. The other guys better do something quick cause otherwise it will look like I've made this whole share house up. And I live there alone pretending to live with a girl, a boy and a jerk.

Poor old Nick was sick as a dog last night. I felt sorry for him but at the same time I was fearful of my own health, Ive been sick on and off for about 2 months now and I dont want it again. Who the hell does he think he is going out into the world gallivanting around and bringing home his germs. The foreskin pope!?

Steph has been chain smoking like a burnt out hippie of late. I worry about her, she has probably got a lot on her mind...there is a big party at the house this weekend and there will be lots of breakable glasses around, Im sure she is stressed about ruining the whole thing in some sort of drunken smashy furor. Maybe she and the rest of us will all be happier if we just strap her down to something for the night...

James, well James is being his usual moody self. Shutting me down left right and centre...he has also been talking to Steph a lot more than usual, maybe there is some sort of 'Steph and James' subplot developing....

WHO KNOWS!?