Nick did his job

Well apparently my sound card has arrived at Bawawecra. Nick signed for it as me.

I cant even imagine what he is doing with it at home. Probably hooking it up to some cd player and scratching his head wondering why no sound is coming out.

Nick is a funny one with technology, one time I caught him trying to use the remote control on the fridge. 'It works in the movies' He proclaimed as he tried to get the fridge to record his usage of it for the day.

ah that Nick, he is a wonder unto himself.

Bless

sick nick

Hey Nick while you are at home today make sure you keep an ear out for the door.

My soundcard is coming. And the courier will just walk away with it if noone is home....so pleaaaase keep an ear out.

thanks dude.

MAN -CORE BEGINS!

5th most updated blog aint good enough. We got to be number 1!

So life at the ol 'Cra is pretty good. all hussle and bussle. Im thinking one of us should give birth so then it would be like that movie Three Men and a Baby, but that would leave Steph out in the cold so maybe we could just put her in a dress and it would be like the sequel, Three Men and a Little Lady.

James and my alliance is growing in leaps and bounds. We now have a name for it...'MAN-CORE'

We are the strongest, most dominating, smartest, most productive and cleanest members of the house. Our alliance will not be taken down by some flouncy-core alliance that Steph and Nick will try to dream up. Notice how we have that look in our eyes like we are ready to pounce! Like a nikkei ready to rise to the top of the currency exchange!

Nick and Steph are more like pork bellies, lazy and full of lard.

Talking Text

Last night as James and I cooked and cleaned together (we are experiencing some new form of domestic bliss between the two of us at the moment) the phone rang.

'Ill get it honey' James said to me. I think he was looking for a way out of the conversation we were having about how to plan out our lives together in a more productive way.

James started to giggle as he heard the phone, he then passed it to me, I couldn't understand a word of it. Sounded like a computer. James explained to me that someone had sent a Talking Text to our home phone. An SMS to our phone that was read allowed to us by some sort of Robot.

The message said, 'Hello house of Bawawecra, you all smell like apes'.

Who sent it we do not know, but I assume it was a random fan of this blog. Although I don't know how they got our number as we do not give out such information. The other possibility was that it was actually Stephen Hawkings calling us. He has a voice like a robot and could pretend to be a Talking Text. But I have a feeling that Stephen Hawkings may have lost his sense of smell along with everything else...

Steph was a whole pile of energy last night shouting goodbye at the top of her lungs several times before disappearing with a red back pack. I have no idea where she was going to but she sure made it well known that she was leavin.

I haven't seen Nick in days. I can only assume that he has taken some sort of party drug, freaked out and is now living in the chicken coop eating only twigs and insects that the chickens offer to him, like some sort of giant god of the chickens.

Stocked

Yesterday James and I ventured out of Bawawecra with out wallets full and our stomachs empty. When we returned (much like cavemen returning from a hunt) we took the spoils of our escapades into the beloved kitchen.

James and I had spent a lot of money on shopping. And we were happy for it. I was expecting more of a shock on the faces of Nick and Steph when they returned home from their pointless endevours, but no they just went about breaking and messing things up as per usual.

I think a photo should be taken of James and my shelf and of the fridge. There are currently about 3 types of juice in there. What an amazing feeling we will all enjoy as we all benifit from the riches of James and I. We truly are the King and Queen of Bawawecra.

In other news: I played a great gag on Nick on sunday morning by bringing him a coffee in bed, but not in a mug, in a bowl!! HA! oh the laughs that were had as he tried to drink it. There is nothing funnier than watching an angry hungover mostly naked man trying to drink coffee from a bowl. Im tellin ya!

paying the "rent"

Yesterday we woke up to a door that didn't close. Because we all work in high powered, important jobs there was no way one of us could sit at home waiting for the handy man to come and fix it. So the house was wide open all morning. I was going to post about it but got scared that it would trigger a horde of BaWaWeCra readers coming to our house to use our ab-roller and try and find a "souvenir spaff rag" to call their own. After much to-ing and fro-ing with Lando a nice bloke came over last evening to fix it up for us.

Stepharoo answered the door. Within 5 seconds she had concocted some excuse to not have to stand there and talk to the poor guy. Something about "having buns in the oven" or suchlike. We are all getting good at this. The best is on rent day when Lando comes over. Now Lando is a good bloke, what with his chickens and wisecracks, but we are wary of letting him get too close and comfortable in BaWaWeCra (although without him, no house. Without the house, NO BAWAWECRA - imagine that!!). Everyone pretends not to hear the doorbell when it rings and when he comes in we try our best to keep the small talk to a minimum. Once he noticed we were watching Big Brother and he got all excited and started talking about one of the female housemates. Of course this set Wa and Ba off and before long everyone was writhing around on the couch, giggling like school girls, pinching each others nipples and rubbing clammy thighs. The horrible memory of that night persists to this day.

bad times at the 'cra

Last night was a tense night at the ol house of 'cra...you could cut the tension with a plastic spoon.

There was a lot of shouting about things said and things done. We all had a go. And then in the midst of James powerslamming Steph into the fussball table Nick screamed 'WHERE IS THE LOOOVE?!' his voice breaking up as he shouted love. We stopped looked at each other and all hugged.

Bawawecra the blog is quiet. Too quiet. Maybe all is not forgiven.

In other news last night I opened the fridge and my sweet chilli sauce fell out. Smashing on the floor. It made our kitchen smell quite nice tho...but whoever left that trap is a jerk. Im looking at you Nick you sauce fiend!

And I tried to make a tuna pasta sauce without cooking any of it. Worst meal I have eaten in a long time. Will not go that far with laziness again.

Calamity Jane

Ah yes. What a lovely time in Bawawecra was had by all last night. Except for Nick who wasn't there....Im not suggesting anything by that...but have a think about it.

James finally gave up his awfully boring purity craze and got a little schmunty and smoked a few ciggies. The first of which he claimed to be the best he had ever smoked in his life...I think thats cause I found it on the floor of my bedroom right next to all of Nick's spaff rags that he left there when he used to use my computer. James sure does love the taste of smoked semen.

We had a couple of lovely guests over who ate a lot of the dinner that was ment for me...but it was all forgiven when they tidied the kitchen and made pancakes.

James and I also dominated Tony Hawkes for a while. We are becoming pro's at that game...

I feel asleep happy and content with living in Bawawecra that night....little did i know what a horrible morning I had before me.

at about 6:10 I awoke to someone bashing on our front door. I sat up straight sure we were being broken into...I looked out the window to see Steph (who I now refer to as Calamity Jane) gettin into her car to go to work. 'WHY THE HELL DID SHE BASH ON THE DOOR' I thought loudly. What a damn jerk! I soon discovered however that the door was being difficult and that she had to slam on it....

How did i find this out you ask, dear reader? Well at about 6:30 I got a sms from ol' Calamity askin if the bins had been put out...I had a peak out of my window to see the bin still in our yard...our yard which was currently being engulfed in a huge typhoon like storm...But being the most responsible member of the house I put on a pair of shorts and ran out into the early ours of the morning to take the bin out...Barefoot and naked from the waist up.

I got soaked...I stood naked and wet in my room and cursed Bawawecra...soon, oh so very soon, the other members of my house will develop fungus on thier ankles, except for ol' Calamity who will get it on her face!

Tony Hawk and Beady Eyes

Last night James and I discovered the wonders of Tony Hawk. We kept gettin beaten by a girl but that didn't stop us from falling in love with the game.

My strengths are the high ramps. But I need to have no obstructions. I need my ramp to be pure and hassle free if I am to lay down some serious air time.
I couldn't work out what James' strengths were. I think it was just talking jive about which course was better suited to his shit no-score-style.

Nick left Bawawecra at about 6 last night. He said he would come back. But he didn't. I no longer believe a word out of his mouth.

James claimed he would write about the state that Nick left the kitchen in but I see no such post on here. He is scared of Nick. I don't know why they both have beady little eyes, they should be used to seeing that shit.

I aint see the Cra-ster for ages....well it feels like that long. I'm gonna attempt to spend some quality time with her this weekend 'designing a poster'.

Roses are red, Nick is a Jerk.

Here is a list of things I have done for Nick, since living in Bawawecra.

Driven him to work several times. SEVERAL

Given him a computer...FOR NOTHING!

Loaned him money....LOTS OF TIMES!!!

and cooked him dinner........IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and I am the one who gives no love. Its over Nick. It really is.

Carrots as pants

I didn't get to Bawawecra till late last night. And lemme tell ya I was a bit pissed. I went straight to the kitchen to eat a piece of bread with mustard on it, followed nicely by some chewie. Unfortunately due to my drunken state I didn't finish eating the bread before putting the chewie in my mouth. Tasted foul. There were a whole bunch of jerks in the kitchen saying stuff to me. Its all a bit blurry.

I think I remember James cooking up some soup or something. I ignore him now. His whole purity saga is giving me the shits. Lording his celery sticks over us. Like I CARE!

This morning when I woke up I saw him outside eating a carrot like he was smoking a cigarette. Thats some major withdrawals there sonny...James hates being called sonny. Once I called him that several times. He shouted at me to stop from the TV room. Needless to say I didn't straight away.

Did Nick come home last night? I didn't hear him come in, he is probably wandering the streets shouting 'BAWAWECRA' at the top of his lungs hoping to be saved by passing mormons.

And I don't know what the hell Steph has been doing. Probably something boring so you don't need to hear about it.

Sabotage

Last night Lando came and picked up the rent. Us boys played a great gag on him. We gave him all his mail that had been sent to us and in the pile we put a junk mail letter addressed 'To the Pizza Lover'. When he looked through the letter he said 'To the pizza lover???'

Tonight I'm gonna make a point of puttin my penis on one item in everyone's room. It will be lots of fun for them trying to guess which part of their room was touched by 'The King'.

Oh the good times we have down at the Cra. You really oughta come by sometime...

Steph's continual spiral into insanity.

Well my other housemates have been talking about it but I have been refusing to believe it...but I am now quite convinced that Steph is going insane. Last night I found her wandering around the kitchen muttering 'container, container' to herself over and over again. Maybe she was just looking for one you suggest...no, she had one in her hands. She was looking at it.

And to top it all off she didn't even want to step out of Bawawecra for 5 minutes to go to a giant rug sale. Now that's INSANE!

James is back. What a let down. At least when I went away I brought back a nice music magazine for the house to enjoy...all James brought back for us was his greasy stinky hair.

It is good to have him back tho...for those of you not too close to Bawawecra, James and I have a soft alliance. Steph and Nick are the morons and James and I are the go-getters. We have a great 'can-do' attitude that helps us out in the house a lot!

I say soft alliance tho cause he still manages to piss me off on a regular basis and I am quite prepared to side with the others on any issue where I don't see my best interests catered for.

And it seems that Nick has instituted a smoking policy into the house, read below, I for one am all for it and will concentrate most of my 'in-house' smoking in James' room. That should stick a rod up his 'purification' craze...which I'm sure you will hear a lot more about in posts to come...

STAY TUNED FANS!

predictable

well I just got back from my study tour of Victorian share houses.

my esteemed housemates called me at least three times while I was away. they claim it was to do with the "internet" but I think they just wanted to hear my soothing, reassuring tones over the line - you know, to help them get to sleep at night.

I came home to a kitchen full of dirty dishes. no surprises there. WA seems to have had another one of his bizzare Super Vegan lentil fetish parties judging by all the shit strewn around the cooktop. And speaking of WA is anyone else tired of his moaning drama queen "WE and BA are persecuting me" trip? jesus man, you're a filthy pig but we still love you. tell it to the judge, know what I'm saying?

Dumb and Stupider

So I aint been home that much in the past couple days. A boy likes to party you know. I walked into the house today to find Steph and Nick on the couch in the living room covered from head to toe in chips and arseholes.

"WE DONT HAVE THE INTERNET" they both whined.
"Did you call optus?" I asked.
"WE DONT KNOW HOW!!!" they replied with a lazy jerk expressions.

So I got on the phone and sorted it all out. It would have taken them about 5 minutes of not eating chips to get off thier asses and do this themselves but no...they cant do shit like that. Why you ask? Ill tell you why, CAUSE THEY ARE FUKING USELESS!

I dont know how the hell they have managed to live so many years without James and I holding thier hands as they venture into the real world.

I miss James. He kept me sane in this house of incompetance. This is a dark day for Bawawecra...

Who put the Pooh in TXPooh?

Well last night at Bawawecra was a good one indeed. Highlights were definitely busting in on nick while he s(h)at on the toilet 'making a call' and taking a photo of him. as you can see clearly below. luckily you can only see the stem of his Todger, and not the whole package.

He wasn't as upset about this as I thought he should be. Although he did point out that it needed to be clarified that he was about to take a bath and that is why he was naked.

Nick always takes baths with bubble bath. Im assuming he has a hideous dick and cant relax in the bath if he is looking at it. What a horrible way to live.

We didn't see much of steph last night as she was fancying it up somewhere other than home. Whats the point!? She came home drunk and abusive. I chose to ignore her but its hard to ignore a beast woman vomitting all over your kitchen isnt it...

and James left us for his weekend away. It was a somber affair when he left. However as soon as he was out the door the bitching began. Oh what a lovely house I live in.

Also to clarify nick and my dinner last night, he said he would cook it, as I provided most of the ingredients. He didn't do a bloody thing but cut the mushrooms and then bitch about it to this blog. What a jerk. I do have to admit that it was pretty bland. But not as bland as the company I had while I ate it!

phones

apparently steph thinks i'm her secretary now. i came out into the kitchen last night to see her holding out a ringing phone with a crazed look in her eye. that unsteady look a woman gets when she has drunken one too many Jarrah instant hot chocolates and painted one too many chairs.

you know what I'm talking about boys! you've seen that look before!........ erk!

Last night JoJo came over to play Fifa 2000. He beat me twice. I was not happy. So I stopped playing.

Nick came home to find he had done badly on an assignment. I worried about him. Poor kid is working too hard. Spending too much time away from Bawawecra. I dont know what to do about him. Maybe I will make him a Minestroni Midler.

James acted all cool like he dont smoke no more for about 10 minutes. What a stupid attitude!

Aaaand my room is getting messy and steph hasnt cleaned it yet!

tonight will be interesting....

boy got skillz

i was just sitting on the armchair out the back smoking a cigarette.

when i finished i stubbed it out on the concrete and flicked it over to the ashtray which was about 2 metres from where I was sitting. as usual i was wayy off target, but this time, the cigarette butt BOUNCED and flew the extra 15 or so centimetres straight into the ashtray!

I tell ya, everything's coming up Jimmy today!

Ba here,

Last night I got home from work to find the whole team in the house. Well I came home with WE so he was already there...blah blah.

It was nice to have the whole crew there, a rare occasion these days. This world makes fools of us all and we are slipping into a foolish party of jerks. What happened to the days when we would all hang out and laugh...anyway I digress.

Last night was full of fun filled events and suprises:

WE cooked some pasta which I was allowed to eat some of.

WA asked WE and I if we were sick of living with 'faggots'. I was a little surprised cause I didn't realize there was more than one 'faggot' living in the house. Suddenly I was forced to question my whole reasons for living there. Was I the only man living as god intended? I decided that the other 'faggot' lives in the roof and only comes down at night to play scrabble with CRA.

WA then went onto explain to me in the loungeroom, as we watched BB that women usually became disgusted with themselves while they masturbated. He demonstrated this by reenacting a woman 'gettin herself off'. I was surprised to hear this news also, it then made me sad that woman couldn't be happy about pleasuring themselves. That night I cried in BaWaWeCra.

CRA spent a lot of the night in her room. I think she is scared of the 'faggot' living in the roof.

fridge

the radio rentals payment for this month was due yesterday. i think it is Cra or Wa's turn. the book is by the phone.

( wow, this is great! i don't even need to leave bitchy notes anymore! )

Cra's weekend

Ba and I spent the weekend away. By all accounts Wa was on something of a "bender" and not home much. I don't think poor little Cra handles being home alone very well. We came back and she had "redecorated":

- there was a leopard print legionnaires cap hanging as hallway decoration

- a piece of cardboard in the lounge with random old greeting cards and postcards stuck to it. says Cra: "i found the cardboard on the street!"

- a bafflingly large stack of Women's Interest magazines in the lounge


I'm starting to worry about her....

a house like no other......