INJUSTICE!

James is sick. So right now Bawawecra is occupied by all members of the house except for me. I can just see them now, all laughing about how good it is to be home. I bet they are going through all my stuff. Im sure ill come home to at least 1 soiled item of clothing.

JERKS! the lot of them. I bet they dont even really appreciate being home. I bet they are 'bored'. god they disgust me. Always looking for the quick fix, never puttin in the time to really appreciate anything.

Our house is a micro-cosm for the world at large.

James = France due to being all fancy with his books etc.
Steph = America due to her in your face style of holding glasses
Nick = Uruguay for obvious reasons.

House Guests...

This weekend Bawawecra will have 2 house guests. What will happen to the dynamic of the house? I predict these changes:

Steph will no longer feel comfortable to throw up in the kitchen and will take to spewing in the backyard by the clothesline, causing james to be very angry cause he uses the clothesline as his wardrobe.

Nick will respond to the people entering his personal space by being even louder and more demanding. He will walk around the house pissing in corners marking his territory. He is then likely to bury his vegan hotdogs in the garden somewhere and soon forget where the hell they are...Causing him to scream at everything.

James will more than likely woo our new houseguests. He will cook them a nice dinner and buy them fancy wines. When they turn his offer of romance down he will then demand that they clean up Nicks piss, which will in turn cause Nick to piss in more, less obvious, places.

I will be in the middle of the storm, calm, reserved, and attractive. As I always am.

The Greatest.

Its become painfully obvious that Bawawecra is the best blog on the internet. Nothing can come close to this. Why bother trying.

The reason?

The good times had at the house and the fact that all 4 of us are damn interesting people. I mean could there be a better sharehouse? I think not.

We will continue to be amazing. Just look at the photos of our recent party. Were you there? Dont you wish you were....

a late night "semillon"

i had a bit of a tiring weekend so last night i went to bed at about 8 o' clock.

I woke up from strange dreams at what I though was the middle of the night, with a parched mouth. thinking no one would be up I wandered out into the hall wearing nothing but a small-ish red t-shirt. through my bleary eyes i made out the microwave clock - it was only just past midnight! and had i noticed Nick's light on as I walked past his room?? my pulse quickened, with the corresponding increase in blood pressure! (you know what I'm talking about lads!)

sure enough I heard Nick's door open. like a bloodhound he had picked up the scent of my nakedness! it was all I could do to try and pull down the t-shirt over my privates and scurry off into the toilet blurting "watch out I'm naked!"

"you shoulda called me!" I heard him bellow, before returning to his room.

i snuck back out and as a precaution poured myself a big glass of water to guard my modesty. water can have a magnifying effect you know.... i studied science!

Well the WE returned last night. His skin was brown, his hair was crusty and his fingernails contained some sort of primordial scum...but underneath it all was our beloved Jimmy.

He had many a story to tell and he amused us with them late into the night. When he asked what the house had been doing we all paused and said in unison... 'MISSING YOU!'

Bawawecra is whole again. Never leave again James.

Rise and Whine!

This morn I got up to have my 8am shower. I ALWAYS shower at 8. Thats my routine. When I went to the bathroom someone was in there. SHOWERING! I soon deduced from the trail of shit leading from his ass to his bedroom that it was in fact Nick in the shower...

'ok ill give him 5 minutes' i thought to myself,

10 minutes later I knocked on the door.

'Nick hurry up ill be late for work'
Nick opened the door to reveal his bear chest.
'Come on in' he said with an ugly tone that implied that he was gonna shit on my dick as soon as I took my pants off.

'No get out, I need to shower' I said.
'WHAT YOU CANT SHOWER IN FRONT OF ME!?' he screamed like some sort of banshee that had just been told to get out of the bathroom.

He shoved past me, his stink making my eyes water,
'YOURE A FUKING JERK! CANT YOU SEE IVE LOST MY WALLET!' he proclaimed.

I bet he lost it up his fat ass.

Penis Hood: Prince of Forskins

Well its gotta be said. Cra is the best housemate in the house. She is amazing with her cleanin binges. I went out on Saturday night for my regular 'drinks with the lads' down at the 'old local', to return home to a wonderfully clean house. It was simply amazing.

She had a whole bunch of friends/jerks over last night that kept me mildly amused with their boring stories about their 'lives' but it wasnt what I would call a bad time...

Wa has taken to puttin the entire kitchen into his bedroom. Yes that's right Cra reported to me that in her mission to clean the house she found 'every single glass' in his room. I dont really know what he is planning to do with all these glasses. Maybe charge us for them? What a jerk thing to do! He is part ethnic or something like that, so its probably in his nature.

James has been talking a lot about gene-ology of late. I think its getting to me. I mean what kind of name is Wa anyway...thats not occidental.

James is away for 5 or so days. The house has never felt so relaxed. Wa's anus only spazzumed for 20 minutes yesterday, thats a huge improvement!

He puts the WE in DISGUSTING!!!

Last night James was eating some rich shit that he had made. Looked pretty crap to me so I didnt eat any, not that I was offered, but anyway I digress...He spilt some rice on his shirt which is a pretty common thing for him to do, I told him to clean up his act and he picked the rice off, a few seconds later he spilt more rice on the exact same spot!

He doesnt even notice...now a lot of people think that Jimmy is the looker of the house but believe me ladies and gays when you see him eat you wont be 'looking' no more. My word. He claims to use a lot of product on his face which is why its so smooth...but i think its more likely because of all the fruit and vegetables that sit on their for hours on end without him knowing.

Those fruits got lots of natural juices in them they do...

I put the WE in bawawecra

well well well, long time no Jimmy eh? contrary to reports on this blog I've been doing so much more than washing dishes, bitching about said dishes, wanking to pictures of Candace Cameron, smashing the shower screen, stealing cigarettes AND whatever other fantasies "Ba" squeezes from his feeble fart-addled brain........

oh so much more

I've also been playing the Stock Market......and spending a fair bit of time at the track. Needless to say it won't be long until I'm stinking rich. Then I can buy out Lando and his chicken farming operation, and start to make the real money. I think I'll turn BaWaWeCra into a theme park. Except I'll have to replace Nick and Matt with wax dummies to keep the smell down, that'd be bad for business.

anyway, "jokes" aside - I got myself into a spot of bother on the weekend and, not to get too warm and fuzzy, i was very impressed at how Ba, Wa and Cra and other assorted houseguests rallied around to really keep the good times rolling. Each played their part with aplomb - Nick with his masterful haircut, Matt his well aimed spurts of alcohol and little Stepharoo snapping away like a trooper. Good times kids. Maybe it aint so bad here after all.........


(it would be extremely out of character for me not to mention money in a post so....... NICK you owe me 'Net money! Matt, the fridge was due 3 days ago!)

I say dont you know, you say you dont know, I SAY, Take me........IN!?

Welly well well. What a weekend. So much carnage, and Bawawecra's first ever out of town guest. As far as I can remember....

Jimmy gave up purity again in a beautiful fashion. Though I think he forgot how to be unpure because he tried drinking champange through the top of his head rather than his mouth. Oh the laughs we all had.

Nick spent a lot of the time outside of the house. When he did come home all he would do was complain about his back. Looked fine to me! He is loving 'the fatties' on Australian Idol. Im not sure if he can decide which is his favourite one but Im assuming the rice and tamatoe sauce he eats the better his perception of reality will get.

Steph almost forgot to pay her rent. She ran home waving it above her head. Unfortunatelly she tripped over her lips whilst doing this and the money went EVERYWHERE! Lets hope her lips recover cause Tim from Big Brother will be out of the house this weekend and Steph really wants to pash him.

As for me I spent the days camly assesing the house. I have an ipod now. I dont really need to talk to anyone, but I do anyway just to make it seem like I still care.

Love you all
Matt

Jimmy Sharps gets Blunt.

Oh I found my smokes. They were in my jacket pocket. Turns out they didnt all smoke me dry...

And a message to Steph and Nick, well mostly to me and Nick. You and I need to start washing/cleanin more. Its pissin Jimmy off. I need to step up, but you need to knock it up a few notches. feel me?

Last night I looked through Jimmys window to see him shouting at his mirror, he was pretending to confront you and I, he looked really angry, and he had an erection.

A house that Smokes together, Burns together.

The 'house smokes' is a strange term at that. I buy many packets of smokes a week. Now I do smoke quite a bit but not as much as I buy them. I tend to leave my smokes lying around and am happy for people to smoke em up. However, I had 2 packets on Wednesday and last night could only find 4 smokes left. Who has chain smoked em all!?

There is probably a packet hidden somewhere under a pile of junk. Or maybe James has taken them all for 'secret smoking' now that he is all pure. BALLS TO THAT I say.

However when all is said and done I do prefer to smoke with the gang. As much as I bitch about them, I do love their quirks, as Clamerous(Cra), Filthy(Wa) and Self Righteous(We) as they may be...they are still WAWECRA.

Jerk-Core

Everything made a lot more sense to me last night. As I stumbled through the house eating chicken, mustard and some sort of awful mayonaisse sandwiches I saw the true sides of Nick and James.

They are truely jerks. Not once did they offer me a nice cooked meal, when i was obviously starving and in distress. No instead they just laughed and watched me eat my horrible life away.

Bawawecra is turning to a pile of crap!

The Deleted Post

So it seems that James and Steph have formed a new alliance. An alliance against Nick and I. Well just when I thought things were going nice and smooth.

Here is a post that was deleted from the blog by them...after they deemed it too controversial. Luckily I have access to the archives and saved it from obscurity...

--------------------------
Steph says:
i just posted on the ol bawawecra
call me Jummy says:
reaaaaly
call me Jummy says:
good work Steph
call me Jummy says:
sock it to the Man
call me Jummy says:
i.e. the MANCORE
Steph says:
but it was really socking it to matt and nick, they ain't mancore, they is hybrid
call me Jummy says:
yeah well they're ganging up on us intellectuals
call me Jummy says:
they're dumbcore
Steph says:
i hear that sista

--------------------

JERKS I SAY!

this means war in the 'house o love'...

Jaws, Hair and Sufjan Stevens

Last night Nick and I watched Jaws together. We both got really into it. However I found watching Nick more enjoyable. He was on the edge of his seat the whole time, he was making the best faces. Id hate to think what his anus was doing.

Steph bitched at us about leaving hair in the bathroom. Nick had cut my hair in there. She can bitch all she wants, we aint gonna clean it! Whats she gonna do about. Nuttin thats what!

James also seems to think he is Sufjan Stevens. He keeps singing in high pitched voices. He always sings the choir parts, problem is that he can only sing one note at a time, restrictions of the human throat you see, and so he doesnt sound like an entire choir at all. Kid keeps on trying tho. Its nice that he has his hobbies...